


a Relaxed Wet Dog Scented Chat

by Belotchka06_16



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, Flirting Over a Wet German Shepherd, Here Goes My SP Fanfic Virginity, Post-Book 10 Resurrection (Skulduggery Pleasant), Pre-Book 11: Midnight (Skulduggery Pleasant), Zena's a Dirty Pup In This One, a Wet Threesome Up Ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 13:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17581700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belotchka06_16/pseuds/Belotchka06_16
Summary: Never throw the dog's toy in a blind spot in the distance just because you want more private time with your lady friend. Skulduggery learns this the hard way.Edited and posted while in serious need of sleep so I apologize for possible grammar mishaps!





	a Relaxed Wet Dog Scented Chat

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a day after I'd read Resurrection. Hadn't even planned on writing an actual shortie just started writing down what came into my mind and hours later realised that huh, I just wrote a tiny fanfic for the first time in almost 20 years. Tho my not so good english showed horribly as I reread what I'd just written on my notebook ment for recipes.. 
> 
> So feel free to point out annoying grammar errors or if you feel a certain sentence could be written better, if one feels sort of gawky ya know. This is a very simple try on my part in terms of english in general. Bear with me!
> 
> EDIT. The ending was sort of rushed as I was submitting this, like I said, in a very sleep craving state. I had a different kind of ending in mind,a longer one too, so if anyone feels like wanting me to change the ending into it's original form or simply to submit that ending in a form of an extra chapter,mention it in your comment!

Her hair was a mess. 

The bathroom smelled and looked like someone had nuked it with a mixure of earth, mud, soap, wet dogs and as the scented cherry on top, fresh pine. Her whole front was wet and light brown from everything that had come loose from the german shepherd's fur in the past ten minutes. Out from the corner of her eye Valkyrie could detect the remains of an old, no, ancient more like judging by the state of the fabric, glove, peeking from under the bathtub as if scared of having to let go of it's historic layers of soil which had ever so gracefully helped it to hid in Zena's dark coloured fur. Valkyrie grimaced at the thought of having to pull the disgusting relic out in the open, now that it had had time to absorb the dirty water flowing in her feet, towards the floor drain. Of all the days to find out you're out of disposable gloves..! 

As if on cue, a fat chunk of mud dropped from under the dog's belly and slowly danced it's way to the drain, where it stopped right on top of the too tiny holes for it's size. Valkyrie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. a Thought entered her mind. a Lovely image considering who in her justifiable opinion was to be blamed for the chaotic condition of her beautiful bathroom. Her face lit up as she turned her eyes towards the doorway, her facial features painted with gleeful eagerness. Just as the liberating image turned her stained brown into a bright smile, the figure standing in the doorway shattered it as quickly as it had appeared with a stern

"No." 

Valkyrie realised in the midst of imagining her snatching Skulduggery's gloves from him, quickly filling the stinky glove relic with the chunk of mud only to aim the wet,rank missile into his eye socket, she'd unintentionally interrupted rubbing Zena's soapy, still dirty coat. Saving the thought for later use, she turned her attention back to the german shepherd.

" 'No' what," she said in an innocent inquiring tone.

" 'No' as in you may not use my fine gloves to fix your negligence of keeping an eye on your stock of disposable ones. Also, I have a hunch of you wanting to use them in a revengeful manner."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes as she moved the shower head to Zena's front. The shepherd was simply loving the rubbing it's owner was giving her, it's eyes closed and the long tongue lapping. Valkyrie was careful not to let water get into the dog's ears and eyes.

"What ever for would I feel a need to lay vengeance upon you, Mr.Pleasant?" She noticed her words having an affect on her partner's posture. Nothing noticeable to a stanger's eye but him suddenly feeling the need to adjust his cufflinks and not immediately releaving them from his attention after confirming them in a flawless condition told her there was another reason besides wet dog hair for the great detective for choosing to keep his distance from his partner's current assignment. 

"I confess, my perfect aim clearly does not cover the challenging dynamics of the Goughnuts Chew Toys. Also, I was completely unaware of there being such a deep pool of mud behind them bushes we stood such a long distance from. Although, in my defence," he looked back up, meeting her defiant leer, the brim of his black fedora covering his other eye socket. "I was most crucially distracted, my dear."

a Knowing smirk flashed on Valkyrie's lips. But she wouldn't let him go that easily. In fact, a new devious masterplan was forming in the back of her mind as she spoke.

"Well, Mr.Pleasant. In light of all the evidence I'd dare say I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for your jealousy of my dog here and her shall I say swift retrieving. Don't think I didn't notice you fidgeting everytime Zena returned her precious chew toy at your feet. Almost as if she located her toy too fast to your liking. But how could such a thing be," she added, slowly and smoothly pronouncing the last words before quickly glancing in the direction of the doorway. Skulduggery's head was cocked in his familiar fashion. To Valkyrie, the shadows from the room behind him playing with the angle of his skull and his fedora painted an impression of a very smug grin. She quickly erased the doubt of them being actual natural shadows instead of belonging to one of the most efficient mass murderers this world had ever witnessed and turned her attention back to Zena, who's beautiful fur had finally started to show under the masses of filth.

a Low chuckle emitted from Skulduggery's direction, as he took a careful step over the doorstep. Zena's ears perked up in anticipation of Skulduggery joining in her lovely soapy massage.

"What other choice did I have, Miss Cain? It's a beautiful night outside, you and I've been busy throughout the day with work, beating out leads and answers from the few unwilling souls, taking the bentley to it's annual maintenance check up, serving her Highness Sorrows with our latest informative updates," his tone lowered and Valkyrie sensed he turned his face from her as he continued, "looking for signs of Abyssinia's whereabouts" Then only a second later as if the certain issue was never mentioned he breezily added "visiting your family and having the most enlightened discussion with your father about the possibility of somewhere out there being a young boy who like me can fly and the risk of him coming and whisking young Alice away. You have no idea how close your sister came up getting bars on her bedroom windows but have no fear. I persuaded Desmond to instead move her bedroom under the stairs."

Valkyrie smiled at the thought of her father most likely telling his resistant to such an idea wife that they could always make the bedroom under the stairs larger, if Melissa Edgley opposed the idea simply because she thought Alice might feel lonely. 

"You're on your own once my mother discovers who planted such a groundbreaking idea into my father's head"

"Of course," he said as he took notice of her having started to rinse Zina's fur. The water running from under the shepherd's paws towards the drain was no longer dirty but clean. Zena no longer had her eyes closed but instead to Skulduggery there was a spark of anticipation in those beautiful canine eyes. Unintentionally, he took another step towards Valkyrie who was still holding the dog with one hand and rinsing with the other. 

"You almost done with her? I would have suggested to bring you fresh towels earlier but knowing most of the dirt detaching her fur would only land on you I was unsure of to whom would I have brought them to."

Valkyrie quickly glanced at him from the corner of her eye, looking up at him. She was still squatting next to her now clean but a very wet dog, sweeping her fingers through Zena's fur in order to make sure no surprises were left there for later. She then said, without turning to look at him "you know, most people usually remove their quality clothing at this point." 

Skulduggery squatted down and gave Zena a light scratch under the dog's chin. "If that was your plan of getting to use my attire to pick up smelly dirt from your bathroom floor, Valkyrie, I must say it leaves very much to be desired. And quite frankly such weak attempt makes me doubt the level of your vengefulness altogether. In the end you're just all bark without a bite, Miss Cain", Skulduggery jested with a smile in his voice as Valkyrie surprised him by shoving the no longer runny shower head into his hand. As he gave her the most nonplussed facial impression a skull ever could, Valkyrie simply muttered along the lines of "Fair' nuff, fair' nuff" before quickly giving two light pats on Zena's back and standing up.

Still perplexed, Skulduggery watched as Valkyrie hopped over the tiny dirty puddles of water, mud and leaves, with the most mischievous grin on her lips before stopping on the doorway. Then something else caught his attention as he felt something in his gloved fingers, still laying amidst Zena's fur after scratching her. His skull turned only to find wet mud in his gloved fingertips. Skulduggery'd head snapped up from his gloves, still squatting down, directly in front of the Shepherd's very excited face,right before the canine lowered it's head and a chunky brown rain erupted from the shaking dog's dark fur.

Valkyrie had never thoroughly sweeped the undercoat clean.

 

Skulduggery's suit turned from black to brown in seconds.

 

Valkyrie ended up getting hiccups from laughing at Skulduggery's "chocolate sockets".

 

Unlike it's owner, Zena's toy had been almost spotless.

 

And the whole bedroom reeked of wet dog throughout the night.


End file.
